(From a conversation in three parts.)
Originally my plan was to write about a beautiful trio of fragrances from Frederic Malle. Geranium Pour Monsieur, French Lover, Bigarade Concentree. A Ropion, Ellena, and Bourdon. Absolutely stunning, provocative and almost ephemeral fragrances. But something else in my bag of samples came up, and I just had to write about it.
My favorite smell in the world….
The smell of a stripper.
The eponymous scent of Heeley’s Bubblegum Chic; sweet, jasmine, pink, candy trash.
I wore French Lover all this morning, and as evening came, and the lover had faded on my skin to nigh, I said screw it, I’ll chance smelling like a chick and sprayed three tiny sprays of Bubblegum Chic on the top of my right wrist.
Why would you do that? Don’t you know how strong it is? It’s extrait.
Jim, I told you the same. One spray! One spray only.
Guys, I’m telling a story here.
I know I put way too much on!
My wrist became ground zero for this evil scent. It’s so strong, and the sillage, it just projected everywhere. It filled the entire room.
Jesus Jim. Well let’s think about this. Maybe you shouldn’t blast Bubblegum Chic so hard. At the very least it does what Heeley created it for. It gets attention and it evoked a visceral reaction in you. Even if it’s a bad one. Look at the attention you paid it! You skipped three masterpieces by Malle!
Nonsense. I’m putting this witches brew on full blast. Here I go.
The Heeley website calls this stuff pure joy.
There is no way this intensely revolting jasmine concoction could be considered pure joy.
Not even if you dosed me with pure ecstasy would this be enjoyable.
I tried scrubbing the blast zone called “my wrist” with Steel wool, with soap , with bleach and soap, and then took a shower.
I could still smell it.
There was even a point during this entire debacle where I in all honesty, considered shutting my head in a microwave and ending it all. Seriously.
And I love Jasmine.
It smells like bubblegum flavored nitrous oxide. You know. That sleeping gas the dentist used to give you before he performed some maniacal dental procedure on your terrified younger self? That smell.
That smell coupled with the stench of a stripper in love.
A stripper in love?
The crazy stripper in love who you still owe money, because you ran out of quarters to put in her thong.
The one that sends you letters scented with the nitrous oxide she’s been huffing.
The one who you just can’t get rid of no matter how hard you scrub.
The one that have you herpes, syphilis, aids and still wants to cuddle after all the romantic and sincere lap dances.
The one who tells you she loves you, with a crazy glint in her eye and bubblegum in her hair.
Yeah this smells like that.
It’s so amazing(ly terrible).
Raluca: (chiming in from somewhere overseas.)
Jim, Nat, I think one of the important ideas to consider here is the two notes that make this fragrance.
For what it is, it’s ingenious.
The tuberose and jasmine absolue intercalate. One moment the naughtiness of a beautiful tuberose shines, the next the jasmine.
What do you mean Raluca?
Would you wear this?
I am wearing it.
Oh god. I’m sorry Raluca.
No. Don’t be sorry. I like it.
But like I said, I only wear one spray Jim, not three!
I’ve had it in my wardrobe for almost a year and I’ve had time to test it.
What do men think about it when you wear it?
Well, I think my husband hates it…..
See! I told you.
This is not, I repeat NOT- attractive to men.
It smells like a powerpuff girl.
Shut up Jim. That’s a cartoon. Cartoon characters don’t smell.
Jim: (continuing with his diatribe)
Anyways guys, I know somewhere out there, somewhere where strippers shop, there’s some sick, twisted individual who wants to buy this.
I bought it! I’m not a stripper!
No you’re a sadist.
Your poor husband.
Shut up Jim.
Anyways ladies, let me continue.
James Heeley’s Bubblegum Chic comes in an extrait concentration. One part in a three part release in Heeley’s Extrait de Parfum collection.
The official notes are: jasmine sambac, tuberose, white musc, and nausea.
It comes in a 50ml bottle, in a beautiful and simple presentation like all Heeley’s, albeit darker, and retails for more money than you should ever spend on this. Two hundred and thirty dollars.
I have absolutely no words of kindness here.
I do. I think it would be even better as an eau de toilette. Heeley should reformulated it. It would be easier to wear.
Same. I kinda like it. A little bit anyways….and I think that’s a genius idea Raluca.
An edt version…
An edt? Yes please!
But this is an extrait.
If a woman approached me wearing this I would run in fear. It’s impossibly strong.
I would hide.
I would call Obama and notify him of a bubblegum terrorist. I would pray to whatever god is in heaven to smite the creature wearing this.
And I’m a Buddhist guys. I’m not a hateful man. But I hate this. I have never vetoed a fragrance.
This isn’t a perfume that attracts men, in fact I had to turn to you two to understand why a woman would wear this.
Why? I’m not sure.
I honestly wouldn’t wear this one.
Oh. What about you Raluca?
Because I like perfume, because I can. But only one spray!!!
Isn’t that the truth.
I’m glad you are on a different continent. Because if not I’m sure I’d smell you from a thousand miles away.
One spray! You keep forgetting.
Doesn’t matter! This is stripper napalm.
Shut up Jim.
So ladies, to buy or not to buy? That is the question.
Sample first. It’s very polarizing. Or buy a decant. I can’t see myself wearing this often.
Definitely buy. I did.
Don’t worry Jim. I’d never wear this around you. I care.
Well at least we know what a man thinks about it…
I’m a man??????
Curious how this “Bubblegum Chick” might smell? Get yourself a sample at Essenza Nobile, your online store for (sometimes polarizing) niche fragrances.